


Je L'aime... Il M'aime

by thatdragonchic



Series: Love or be loved [2]
Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Thomas (Maze Runner), Christmas Music, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Influencer!Newt, M/M, Mentions of the past, New Year's Eve, New York City, Newt (Maze Runner)-centric, Newt is a good boyfriend back, Newt is healing, Newtmas in love, Other, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Rich Newt (Maze Runner), Student Newt (Maze Runner), Thomas is a good boyfriend, Thomas plays music for them, Top Thomas (Maze Runner), Unrequited Love, and Thomas loves him back, and falling in love, and finding love, and has a lil uke, but really, from Newt's unnamed ex, i swear this is cute, newtmas - Freeform, reverse point of view, riche clique Newt Alby Minho, they go to the pier at some point, this is like a mix of, though it doesn't go too into it, with his bff Thomas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 15:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15245970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdragonchic/pseuds/thatdragonchic
Summary: In the first fic we explored Aris' growingly toxic crush on Newtin this fic we explore Newt's past trauma's and the events of "A La Folie... Pas du Tout" from Newt's POV---2 years after dealing with sexual abuse and trauma from an ex boyfriend, Newt finds himself falling in love with one of his best friends. They're relationship is only technically a secret, but here's the twist, one of Thomas' closest friends has a crush on him too. Newt is afraid of what could result in telling him, and so pushes confrontation for as long as he can.





	Je L'aime... Il M'aime

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! I personally love all the Newtmas scenes in this fic!  
> Not beta-read yet but probably will be soon. I just got kinda sick of reading and rereading all of my scenes  
> also THANK YOU to all my recurring readers and commenters, you guys are absolutely amazing and I appreciate you!

It all started just over a month ago, in late August, when a week or two prior he had proudly declared (for whatever reason) that no guy could trick him into a date, that he had quite the eye for his potential suitors and had mastered the in’s and out’s of pulling secret dates. Guys who proclaimed they just wanted to ‘hang out’ with him but ended up trying to get in his pants by the end of the night. Not that Thomas had tried to get in his pants, because he didn’t. Though Thomas did make a bet with him, that he could get a guy to trick Newt and if he won, Newt owed him a very crisp 50 dollar bill. Thomas had a feeling Newt liked him back, and it wasn’t unusual for the two friends to go out alone together. They went to this nice place for dinner, which for once, was not a bar, and then Thomas took him to a broadway show. The whole way through, this farmville boy from Vermont proclaiming it was  _ abhorrent  _ that Newt had never been to a broadway show. Afterwards, Newt had been so elated. Going on and on about beautiful everything was and the songs, and it wasn’t accidental that they laced hands as they crossed the city streets and into the lot where Thomas had parked his car. 

_ “You shouldn’t have brought it.” _

_ “Well, actually, we’re going a bit out of walking distance.” _

Newt looked terribly confused, poor dear, and Thomas drove them to the edge of the city, along the river's edge, and parked his car where the boats would pass and shine on them. Party Yachts and Cruises and the Intrepid, looming in it’s big scary way just in the distance by Pier 92. The boats that passed shined their lights, circling from far and wide and brisking their faces as they watched the water. Newt loved the water, loved the ocean, loved the beach. Once they had actually gone deep ocean diving, and everybody was damn near afraid except for Newt, who dove in and coasted the top of the water on the back of a whale shark, who was in love with murky Atlantic waters. Who never wanted to leave. So beautiful was he then, with the Party Yacht’s blue and yellow lights passing over his face, and Thomas gently tilted his face and Newt got the idea, willingly sealed the gap between their lips and it had them both shaking, just a bit, with excitement and relief, and a very intense infatuation for the other. Gentle kisses became passionate ones, learning the path of the other. 

_ “I don’t want to ruin our mood…” _

_ “What?” _

_ “But I have a dirty secret to tell you,” Thomas whispers. _

_ “I think I’m afraid,” Newt whispers back, a hint of taunting in his voice and Thomas grins, their lips are only mere inches apart.  _

_ “I think you owe me 50, because I totally tricked you into going on a date with me.”  _

Newt felt his heart melt all over again at the memory, ignoring the notes he should be revising to text his secret boyfriend. Everything inside him flutters, a deep feeling of love that he’s never felt like this before, so innocent and sweet and excited, all curling up into a colorful ball in his stomach. He thinks it would be the greatest security to be in his arms again, to just see him tonight alone. But Thomas was talking about how bad he felt that he had been around Newt so often and leaving Aris behind. How Aris liked to have company, and how Aris hated eating dinner alone, because although Thomas had a loving family like no other, Aris’ family was smothering and he was just dead set that eating with someone was better, it's how he was raised. He surmised it some sort of insecurity or loneliness and well, Newt gives.

“Hey quick question, are you free after class?” Newt asks, before texting Thomas back that he had asked Aris for him about dinner. Aris seems confused and Newt explains that him  _ and  _ Thomas wanted Aris to come to dinner, hoping the boy who more often than not looked at him with too much hope would understand that he was asking for Thomas’ sake, or at least in the sake of going out on a friendly outing. Nothing more, nothing less.

Aris is excited, it seems, and he’s almost scared to think of what he’s thinking, if he even thinks it means anything. “... He  _ always  _ does this. Thomas just absolutely loves it, and god, you know? He’s definitely going to get cholesterol or something. Also he has this weird obsession with Beer, have you noticed?” Newt attempts to distract and Aris nods, and Newt can see that he’s unhappy with this, fidgeting with his phone in his lap, a bit nervous. Newt could almost feel the bitten rage that came with rejection, it brings him back to a place he was 2 years ago, that he most certainly does  _ not  _ want to relive. Aris wasn’t angry now, but he could be when he knows Newt is unavailable, and Newt would have to kiss New York goodbye, and he really didn’t want to. He doesn’t think he’s much of a California boy, no matter how much Yoga he does. 

He gives Aris the fakest smile, as he tries to continue pressing the conversation about Thomas, but thankfully, one of their classmates notices his discomfort and swoops in, asking about the science fair next weekend and if Newt was going. 

“Some of the Masters Bio Students have some really compelling research I heard,” Newt offers. “I’m really excited, I think I’m going to bring Minho and Alby with me, because you know how Alby is just so weirdly obsessed with food science?”

His classmate nods, and they talk for the rest of the remaining hour, about anything, everything. Whatever keeps Newt busy and unyielding from conversation, so the boy beside him with a too-obvious crush didn’t get a chance to swoop in.  Aris, before the class is over, tries to speak to him again, and Newt smiles, that just slightly uneasy smile. 

He used to adore attention from other guys, now it makes his skin squirm. Everybody was somebody looking to bite him with venom, looking to use him for what he looked like, or listen to him tell the fables in their head. Everybody wanted to watch him burn, as if he were a witch and this were 1693 Salem. 

“So… you’re sure I can go tonight?”

“I don’t see why not,” Newt says sweetly. Though, why he wouldn’t go is so Newt can kiss his secret boyfriend in peace. “It’ll be fun, I promise. We’ll go, and eat dinner and maybe even get dirty with some wings or something. Who knows?”

Newt shrugs. And if Aris was a permanent part of this friend group, well, Newt might as well try to be his friend.  _ Not all people are bad people, Newt.  _ That’s what his therapist told him, time and time again, and he couldn’t quite grasp that just because Aris liked him, didn’t mean Aris was out to get him. He was a work in progress, everybody is. Shit happens, it gets worked on. Aris could totally be his friend, right? It doesn’t have to be a cold, envious relationship, Newt doesn’t have to be mean. 

So he figures he’d play nice, give Aris a chance to be his friend. At least that way he won’t get bit too badly with the poison that was meant to kill him. (There’s no reason he shouldn’t already be dead, but there’s also no saying that antivenom comes quick enough the second time around.) 

\---

Home was where his friends are. Where Minho and Alby are. At least, usually are. Alby is on the phone, with the contractor helping develop his restaurant to open in East Village. It was close to where they themselves lived in Manhattan, and was a booming, wealthy area full of wealthy people and tourists who could use earthy home food that wasn’t a million dollars and smacked on a fancy plate in a fancy restaurant with a view of the water or had some creative twist or something. Alby wanted simple, affordable and homey. A restaurant that had creative food and dessert, but brought people back home. 

Minho was on the couch, glancing up from his computer. He himself was working on papers for the company he worked for, trying to work his way up into management. They were all from wealthy families, who had wealthy aspirations for their kids. Newt was the only one striving outside the means of the business world. Becoming a heart surgeon was no easy feat, but it would pay off quite well in the end. 

“How was class?” Minho asks.

“Really good. Quick question… is it okay if I skip Ice Cream tonight?” 

Wednesday was Ice Cream night. Friday was Movie night. Minho raises a brow in question. He’d established a set schedule to help balance out Newt’s chaotic depressive episode when he first came home to Minho and Alby, here in New York City. Newt himself had created quite the routine since then, healing through Yoga and a healthier lifestyle, which he had documented in Youtube videos that he edited between classes just for fun… and well now he had quite the following and the paycheck to match. 

“There’s a boy… who is really,  _ really _ nice, and really, really sweet, who wants to go out with me tonight. Granted his friend is third wheeling because he feels bad for leaving behind so often lately, but I really like him and I promise I won’t do it again- at least for a month anyways.”

Minho cracks a smile. “You’ve been seeing this ‘boy’ a lot lately. Anybody worth noting?”

“Not yet… but I think things are going to work out really well between us,” Newt says hopeful and Minho nods, taking Newts hand. 

“Go have fun. And don’t be mean to the friend.” 

Newt beams, glad that Minho didn’t question him much further. He often had referred to Thomas as Minho’s “hot friend” but would constantly deny any affection or feelings for him. He wasn’t quite ready to fess up how he’d been duped into dating this boy yet. “Thank you,” Newt says, before going to greet Alby in the kitchen, stealing one of the cupcakes he made and the two briefly looking fingers in greeting. Newt finds his way to his room, shutting the door and settling in the bed, putting his cupcake down as he just lets himself relax on the mattress for a minute. A minute quickly turns into dozing off for about an hour, and he wakes a bit startled, glancing at the clock as he realizes he’d slept so long.  _ Crap.  _ He’s stretching to get up when his phone starts ringing, and of course it was his darling dearest, Thomas. He answers, chipper as ever to just hear his voice.

Dress nice, Thomas advises and Newt feels his heart nearly explode, sinking into the bottom of his chest with hope and excitement. “Does Aris know?” he asks suddenly, because he doesn’t want Aris to get any idea that this was some sort of date, between anybody. It made everything inside him twist ugly. It’s not that he disliked Aris, perse, not in general. It wasn’t anything personal… he was allowed to just not like people and not have to justify it. They were no romantic pairing, that’s for sure. Aris was too out of touch, and involved with his family for Newt’s liking. And he could be kind of weird sometimes, and he had a very bland kind of humor.

They hang up, because Thomas says that they have reservations and must be on time. Not a minute later, Thomas calls again. “Helloooo? Not ready for this reservation speaking.”

“Should I pick you up? Or did you want to meet their?” Thomas asks and Newt thinks. 

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“So how can I meet you there..?”

“Uhh… with your natural instinct,” Thomas teases. 

“Oh, right of course. I’ll just use this big brain of mine and sonar locate you.”

“Perfect. So I’ll be there, say like 45 minutes?”

Newt nods. “Yeah, sounds perfect,” he says, already grabbing his towel to go shower. Just in the case that somehow he and Thomas ended up in any position for their clothes to come off, Newt can at least say he showered first. He also smells a lot like lab chemicals from his lab earlier. He turns the water on, an easy temperature, and he can hear Alby asking where Newt was going.  _ “Out with his boyyyfriend. The one he refuses to name.” _

_ “Awh, we damn well know who it is.”  _

Newt kind of laughs, because even if they did know, he wasn’t willing to hand his pride over so easily, admit that he had been tricked into a date, with a boy he really liked no less, and that the date had been as romantic and as enjoyable as he’d dreamed. That it was somehow everything he ever wanted without meaning to be. He was too prideful to admit that he lost and paid his dues- even though he got a stable boyfriend, with a stable job, working to get a masters degree in history ( _ Nerd _ ) and happened to be one of Minho’s friends, who for the past 2 years had Newt totally drooling over him. (The first time they met Thomas was in a very revealing tank top and he had  _ very  _ nice friend. Newt had become akin to calling Thomas the hot friend when he wasn’t around. He never had to know this though.)

Stripping and stepping into the shower, Newt lets the water wash over him, head tilting back into the warmth as it cascades down his face, his neck, through his hair. He lets his whole body, once again, relax, naming each muscle that the water touches as it goes. Then filtering through the veins, and the arteries, and the systems. All while attempting to wash his hair and find his body wash amongst Minho’s own products. He grabs the seductive smelling soap, lathers it on his body and washes off. And okay, maybe he shaves a little too in areas he normally doesn’t shave, just in the case that his pants come off in the car at any given point on the ride back- which he really hopes that Thomas drops Aris off first. 

It’s just for good measures, nothing too extreme really. He dries off and turns on his hair dryer, checking his time and cursing slightly. He had about 30 minutes now, and was quickly attempting to dry his hair into the wavy ruffles they normally were, letting them cascade over his face, and appear that he hadn’t showered at all. Once his hair is dry, he goes to his room, pulls on his green silk button up, that had a thin white box with a flower stitched inside of it. It was an artistic, and very nice looking shirt. He matches it with the slacks that hugged him in all the right places and a black belt that showed very little. He spritzes on his best cologne, hoping the scent will catch Thomas’ eye, and then takes a minute to pray that his relationship really works out. Because Thomas is a really good friend, and a really great guy, and makes him happier than he can remember being in years. He really,  _ really  _ needs this to work out. 

He all but forgot about his cupcake and returns it to the kitchen, and Alby looks upset. 

“I fell asleep before I could eat it, and then he said he was coming in 45 minutes and I totally panicked.”

“You’ll eat one when you get home?”

“Promise.” 

“Is he here? Is he picking you up?” Minho asks. “I wanna peep him.”

“No,” Newt says, and Minho leans in smelling him. 

“You’re wearing your nice cologne. The one you buy ever few years that’s like $500? He’s special.”

“No we’re just going somewhere nice…”

Minho raises a brow and looks to Alby, who’s already watching Newt with narrow eyes. “Nobody wears cologne that nice just to eat out somewhere nice.”

“Okay, maybe he’s kind of special… but he’s a good guy. Like…” Newt shrugs. “A really good guy? Who has his shit together- and yeah okay this is so untypical of me, but I’m kind of sick of being in with the  _ wrong  _ crowd of people. With guys who do bad things because you say no or doubt you because of a reputation you never made yourself. I just… I’m sick of liking people and they end up being unstable guys who bite hard when you back off on them.”

“And this is a stable guy?”

Newt nods. “As far as I’m concerned. He has an apartment and a job and… he’s doing okay, a good family, good humored.”

“And you  _ won’t  _ let us meet him?” Alby asks, looking to Minho.

“Just… give us the time? I don’t want… everything to fall apart and you to hate him for it.”

“Is it someone we know…?” Minho suggests.

Newt thinks it’s someone who knows Minho almost better than he and Alby know Minho. He refuses, flat out  _ refuses  _ to say yes. “I’m not telling you yet. Because I really don’t want things to fall apart, or for other people to feel too involved yet or… any of that. It’s just… casual dating.”

“For over a month?”

“Maybe?”

“Newt…”

“I don’t think he’ll hurt me so bad if we did end it… just he feels too good to be true and you know… when somebody feels too good for you you think, how could they like me? What if they find somebody better?”

His friends nod and Alby takes his hand, squeezes. They both are starting to doubt if it’s Thomas, but Newt’s admancy on keeping the man a secret suggests they might be correct after all. 

\---

Thomas is pulling into the lot of the nice apartment building that his rich friends were renting in, and he parks, going to text Newt, glancing back at Aris who had sat in the backseat. He chews his lip, thinking about what Newt said, about how Aris liked him and he texts Newt he’s here before glancing at Aris again. Aris was one of his closests friends, but he’d never really queried on his sexuality, or really even ever encountered Aris liking anybody…. Ever. Aris was just… Aris. This nerdy guy he’s always known and occasionally could play video games with. Aris never talked about liking people, or even went out on dates.

He vaguely remembers Aris saying nobody ever really gave him a chance in highschool or liked him back, and he thinks that it’s kind of sad- that he never got to figure himself out. He wonders if he genuinely likes Newt, but the thought ends when the door opens and Newt’s whole presence takes over the car. They’re both suddenly aware of him, and his golden presence- and Thomas gets a whiff of his cologne and his whole body says to press his nose into the crook of Newt’s neck and drown in whatever cologne he has on while leaving a very distinct, dark purple hickey- as if he’s 16 again. Which… he’s definitely not 16 again. 

“What?” Newt whispers and Thomas shakes his head. 

“Nothing, just I was thinking and you just- you pulled me out of a thought,” Thomas excuses, glancing to Aris who was looking at Thomas confused and maybe a little sad, Thomas shrugs. “Hey,” He offers as a greeting and Newt laughs.

“Hi there,” He says, glancing to Aris who’s already greeted him. “He’s coherent afterall.” 

“I tend to be fluent in English,” Thomas offers. “I just…” he wants to say something flirty, something that would make Newt blush but Newt is so patiently waiting for him to slip up so he can quickly amend it, Thomas can see the challenge he’s posing and so he decides to play at Newt’s little game. “I just got distracted by my own head is all.” 

“Right,” Newt says, and rubs his arm, almost flirting but easily mistaken for a friendly gesture. “We have a reservation, remember?”

“Right… We should get to that.”

It was only 20 minutes before they were there and a bit early, waiting for their seats and Newt is indulging Aris in casual conversation. He notices how nervous this makes Aris, how excited it seemed, when all Newt was really talking about was their teacher that he disliked. They soon were sat down in a cozy booth and Aris excused himself to the bathroom, seeming jittery and once he was out of sight, Thomas quickly leaned over and kissed the crook of his neck, Newt beside him in the booth seat, one seat across from them at the 3 seater table. It was dimly lit and romantic, but homey feeling and unique. Newt glances up from his menu.

“This is equivalent to a months rent for you. I’m paying half.”

“I’ve been putting money aside to take you to a nice outing for a while now, besides my second paycheck from my second job adds up, even if I’m just working weekends now that the summer is over. I promise, I’ll be fine.”

Newt gives him a look, glancing around for Aris before leaning in and kissing him tenderly. “We should’ve gone somewhere less pricey…”

“Don’t, I wanted to take you here.”

“If you have to save up, it’s not affordable.”

“It’s affordable once you’ve saved. Trust me, I’ve been poor my whole life, I know how this stuff works.”

Newt laughs. “I should pay half.”

“No, next date night you should take me to a bar and pay for nice beer.”

Newt rolls his eyes but nods, because he has a strong taste for Vodka so he can’t  _ really  _ complain. “Deal.” He pauses, squeezing before Thomas unlaces their hands, keeping them tied together like that a moment longer. “Thank you, for doing this.”

“I want you to be happy, that’s not something you should thank me for.”

“It is… nobody has ever… done anything like save up to take me to dinner before or held my hand under the table because I was being difficult about telling people or… kissing me when nobody's looking, because you don’t just want to kiss me for show.”

“So… for being a decent person who respects your wishes? And you’re not being difficult, I know you just want to look out for Aris, and I understand if it’s more than that… if turning him down is something that… scares you, or-”

“Hi, I’m your waitress today,” A woman says, walking up to them and they look up smiling. “Am I interrupting something between you two lovebirds?”

“Oh no- we just, were talking,” Newt excuses. “How are you doing?”

“As good as you can be in such a busy place.”

They all sort of laugh. “And you have a third party guest?”

“Yes, who doesn’t know we’re together,” Thomas informs. She nods understandingly and smiles. 

“Well, would you like something to drink? I reckon you both look old enough for some wine. We just got an opportunity buy, a few bottles of Cotton Candy pressed Grapes?”

Newt gasps. “That sounds so american and charming,” He says excited. Thomas laughs.

“Would you like a glass?”

“Please? That sounds absolutely amazing, actually,” Newt says. Aris returns, seeming much more calm and Newt looks to Aris. “I found out the most charming thing told to me by this god sent woman.”

The waitress looks absolutely flattered, like she’s never had such a perplexed customer who was so intrigued by something as simple as Wine. “What’s that?” Aris asks.

“Cotton Candy  _ Wine. _ That’s so wild to me.” 

“So… one glass?” She asks, glancing between the other two.

Aris nods when Thomas looks to him in question. “3, and some water please.”

“And for a starter…?” 

“We’re still looking,” Newt offers and she nods, going off to get their drinks.  Aris glances between them and Newt shrugs. “We simply cannot decide on what to start with.”

Aris nods, glancing at the menu. Nothing really looked too appealing to him, he’s never had a taste for fancy food, and well Thomas never had either. Thomas looks to what Newt is eyeing most, as if relying on the luxe taste that Newt grew up on to guide them. “Mmm… I think we should just get our main courses.”

“You can get a starter,” Thomas says, and Newt shrugs. 

“Do you want Froie Gras to start?”

“I don’t really know what that is… if I’m being honest.”

He looks to Aris and Aris shrugs too. “Yeah, uh… this is not the home food I’m used to.”

Newt shrugs. “It’s just fancy versions of normal dishes.”

The waitress comes back with drinks and they thank her. She suggests the best starters and they each get a plate of something obscurely luxurious sounding. The night moving along rather smoothly, as they order and renew drinks, and talk all night. Thomas thinks they’d share dessert if Aris wasn’t there but give the idea of dessert up rather quickly. Newt deciding he would really love to go home soon, and Aris agrees. 

“We should drop Aris off first,” Newt suggests. “The drive back to my complex is awfully far and you seem tired.”

“And our building is on the way,” Thomas chips in. 

“That’s fine,” Aris agrees and Newt keeps his giddiness contained, squeezing Aris’ arm and smiling. 

“Thank you for coming tonight. You don’t ever hang out with us much,” He offers. 

“Oh… I don’t mind,” Aris says. “I like spending time with you.”

He blushes, thinking what he’s said is stupid but Newt just sort of laughs, and Thomas squints at him just a bit. So maybe Newt had a right to be suspicious, but Thomas wasn’t sure if it was valid concern yet. He drops Aris off at Home and drives Newt home the long way. He parks down the block, just so they can sit together a while, lacing hands.

“You do know that you paid way too much for decent food, right?”

“Decent food? Newt that was like the fanciest food I’ve ever eaten.”

Newt shrugs. “Well, if you’re really committed to fine dining, I could totally take you for a joy ride.” Thomas laughs, their foreheads lean together, just for a moment. Breathing each other. In. “I had fun,” Newt says.

“I did too, we should do this again sometime,” he taunts, kissing Newt soundly. “God, you smell good…” 

“It’s my expensive perfume… the one that should turn you on and stuff, I guess.”

“Consider me turned on by it.”

Newt kisses him again, soft and gentle before sitting back in his seat. “Did you notice it? Aris being… weird around me?”

“Yeah, I did… he just has a little crush, that’s all. I don’t think it’ll amount to anything…”

Newt shrugs, the two lacing hands. Newt kisses his knuckles, and Thomas melts. He was so soft for Newt, who was so much more gentle than he faced himself to be. Who had such a pure heart. Newt smushes his cheek to Thomas knuckles, eyes shutting as he just rests there and Thomas can't help but smile, kissing Newts cheek. 

“You deserve so much, you know that?”

“Me? God, I really don't. Just because I'm a little emotionally stunted doesn't really mean I deserve anything. I mean you work so hard, and do so much for the track team and you've been through so much too-”

“Newt?”

“I don't  _ deserve  _ you…”

Thomas leans forward and kisses him, gently holding his face. “You do deserve me, you're allowed to have someone who doesn't treat you like shit or manipulate you or dump you because they can't handle emotions or something.”

“I don't really want to hold you back.”

“Hold  _ me  _ back? From what? Grading shitty papers, with lack of proper sources I might add? I mean if anything I'm holding you back. Med school is not a walk in the park.”

“It's not  _ hard _ .”

Thomas scoffs. “Because you're a genius. Other people find it considerably hard and time consuming.”

“Then they should do something else.”

“Harsh, Mr. Newton.”

“The truth, Mr. Edison.”

Thomas grins, kissing him softly again. “Saturday Aris is going overnight with a friend if you want to come after my shift. You could wear the cologne again and we'll make good use of it.”

Newt ducks his head a bit, flushed. They'd done it once before and it was easily the best sex Newts ever had. Though it didn't make him any less bashful at the suggestion of doing it again. “I'd really like that,” Newt admits. “You being naked is a very enjoyable experience.”

Thomas laughs, kissing his flushed cheek. “I should actually drop you off now.”

“I don't really want to go.”

“I don't want you to go…”

They lace hands and Newt sighs, looking out the window. “Home is too far. We should just stay here.”

“God, I wish you’d at least tell Minho and Alby so I can do things like stay over and cuddle you while you sleep.”

“You have work in the morning, and you surely can’t show up in the same button up as the day before.”

“Why not?”

“They’re teenagers, the first thing they’ll do is assume you had sex. Same with Minho and Alby and trust me, the one time I let that ex of mine- Bernard? You remember him?”

“Yeah I do! You dated just a couple months before the trial.”

“Yeah, well, he stayed over one night and oh boy did they give him some type of shit. And they didn’t even  _ know  _ him. They know you, what do you think they’ll say?”

“Good job finally sleeping with the guy you’ve been wanting for 2 years?”

Newt scoffs. “You have not wanted me for 2 years. You’ve only  _ known _ me 2 years, silly goose.”

Thomas laughs, cupping his face. “That’s the point. It was love at first snide remark.”

“Oh please. I remember once I had been so jealous you took up so much of Minho’s time that I asked why you didn’t have your own place to live and it was okay if you were looking to us for Charity but I’d prefer you’d keep it to a minimum of my time- and if that’s not the worse thing I’ve said, well shit, I don’t know what is. You weren't even homeless! You had an apartment and everything.”

“You were much angrier than. I forgive you.”

Newt rolls his eyes. “There is no way you didn’t hate me before I actually considered you my friend.”

“You just show your love in strange ways, I’ve always considered you my friend. Why do you think I stayed so long? I knew what that asshole did to you, I knew he wrecked your whole life by releasing those videos of you. I knew you were depressed and angry and not really happy that your friends didn’t seem to always have time for you- and I think Minho just didn’t know how to… cope with everything that happened to you back then? But that doesn’t really matter now.” 

Newt nods in agreement. “It doesn’t…. My point is, Minho and Alby will be on our cases forever.”

“I can handle that,” Thomas offers.

“We’ll tell them soon…”

“What are you afraid of?”

Newt wants to say that he’s afraid of Thomas leaving, that Thomas could never love him, that he gets too emotional sometimes, and too untrusting other times, and that sometimes just really cold and closed off, and he doesn’t want to hurt Thomas, he doesn’t want to get hurt by Thomas. That because his ex had drugged him and raped him and threw Newt’s whole life in the gutter in Connecticut, that because all these guys had used him when he wasn’t conscious and drugged by his ex, that because he denied a proposal and was ruined to all hell and was hardly taken seriously in a court of law, that he was made out to be the cause of all this- that he found it hard to believe anybody, especially somebody so stable and loving and kind hearted and strong willed as Thomas could love him of all people. 

Instead, he just shrugs. “Nothing, I just… I don’t know,” he says. 

Thomas nods, as if he sees through him and squeezes Newt’s hand. “Whatever it is, you can tell me anything.”

“I tell you everything… You’re my best friend,” Newt assures. “I just… I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not. It’s awfully hard to get rid of me, trust me, some have tried, all have failed.”

Newt laughs and kisses him. “You’ll be so tired tomorrow,” He whispers. “You should really drop me off now.”

Thomas whines softly and Newt smiles. “You’re not going to miss me that much between now and Saturday.”

“I am, you just don’t know it.”

“I’ll facetime you on Friday.”

“Deal.”

Thomas drives up to the building and they kiss once more, squeezing hands. “Thank you again, for tonight.”

“Really it was nothing.”

“Really, it was. You don’t know how much it means to me… like yeah, to you it’s just a nice dinner but no other guy that I’ve liked took me to nice dinners, or… I don’t know, wanted to get to know me or take care of me the way that I took care of them. It was always me doing the work. You know? I appreciate it.”

“You deserve it,” Thomas assures, leaning in so they’re nose to nose, and Newt nods, letting Thomas kiss him one last time. It was long and deep and romantic feeling, Newt holding the side of his neck, thumb against Thomas’ hammering pulse. 

They part to breathe and Newt has this dreamy little smile on his face. Everything else in the world was in the back of his mind. His classes in the morning, his shift right after until about 8 O’clock, Aris’ growing emotions for him, none of it mattered. Not in that moment. His world fell right into place in Thomas’ hands and he felt so grateful to have him as a friend, as a lover. So in awe of him. 

“Goodnight,” Newt whispers.

“Goodnight,” Thomas cooes back and they kiss again, a small kiss goodbye before Newt’s disappeared into his building.

\---

Newt remembers his father telling him once that the proper way to apply cologne is to apply it in all the places you’d want a woman to kiss you, and well, he wasn’t particularly into woman, but he wouldn’t mind if Thomas kissed him in a few places cologne normally would be. Applied to his wrists, gently dabbed between his thighs, along the strong column of his neck, all after he’d showered and shaved of course. It was very much worth it because it wasn’t ten minutes into a movie that they started making out, and not 20 minutes before their clothes came off, and 45 minutes into the movie they’d both came at least once on the living room floor. (how they ended up there is a totally different story. No it didn’t stop them, not really anyways.)  

Now they were lazily tracing each others skin and kissing, under one of Thomas’ throw blankets. Newt is aware he might not be able to sit tomorrow morning, that his thighs are going to burn, because inevitably, he’s going to seize the control he adores having and ride Thomas until they both can’t see straight. 

“You’re a jerk, you know?” Newt whispers.

“Yeah, why?”

“I can never have sex with anybody else. Ever.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Why not?”

“I’m keeping you. Forever.”

Newt seems to shut down at this sentiment, but not in a bad way. He just seems stunned and kind of awed with a hint of perplexed. Thomas had never seen Newt be  _ awkward  _ until right now. Newt always had a comeback, something witty, something charming, something smart to say. “Oh… okay… that’s- thanks. I will… keep you too. Forever?”

“Are you sure?”

“Are  _ you  _ sure?”

“About keeping you forever? Yes, I’ve decided.”

“Well it’s much too soon to propose.”

“I’m not proposing. Marriage after 2 months of dating is for Kardashians and we are not Kardashians.”

“Almost 3 months.” He pauses. “Besides, I could propose first.”

“You could.”

“It could be totally awesome.”

“Yeah it could. So, you’re okay with this?”

“I plan on having sex with you 3 more times tonight, and if that’s not binding, I’m not sure what is.”

“Marriage?”

“We just agreed we’re not doing that yet,” Newt reminds him, grinning. 

“Ah yes, and the next best thing is to fuck four times every night forever.”

“Not forever, just now.”

“Because…?”

“Because Aris would be sad and heartbroken if he ever knew I was yours forever.”

Thomas scoffs. “I don’t think he cares that much.”

“He might.”

“What does this have to do with the whole fucking forever thing? It sounds like a good deal to me.”

“We have things to do, silly goose.”

“Not a goose.”

Newt laughs, kissing his nose. “You’re my goose. Also Minho and Alby never leave home, so… it just seems we end up making it here in your apartment a lot and Aris lives here. He could easily walk in on that sex forever deal. I really don’t want anybody walking in on us naked.”

“Yeah, I guess. Kinda gross if he did.”

Newt lays his head on Thomas’ chest and Thomas kisses the top of his hair. They're quiet for almost 10 minutes, just holding each other. “Pinky promise?” Newt asks.

“What?”

“That you’ll keep me forever.”

Thomas laughs and holds up his pinky, Newt linking his own with Thomas’. “Pinky promise,” he whispers, and he doesn’t know about this whole sex 3 more times thing, because Newt seems like he might fall asleep, but it doesn’t really matter. They could always shower in the morning, if it meant Newt got to rest. 

Though it’s not very long before they’re making out again, their bodies pressed close together in heated passion. They all but forget about the TV, searching for the lube, unable to stop kissing, kissing everything and Thomas is perhaps as infatuated with Newt’s fancy perfume as he is with Newt himself, who’s hugging him close to him. Thomas has no problem kissing his neck, marking his chest where nobody would see. It’s good that Newt doesn’t have work tomorrow because his strong kisses are turning into red marks on his neck. 

It doesn’t matter much to Newt, not as he’s so lost in his pleasure, in keeping Thomas pleasured, the two meeting in a kiss and Newt’s hands are all over him. He's moaning as he sinks down on him again and again. He can’t imagine they look anything less than wrecked. Rolling over, a little too close to hitting the table and Newt laughs, panting underneath him. They meet in a kiss and Thomas thinks he definitely could see Newt so happy and flushed and sultry forever. That he wouldn’t mind forever, as long as it was with this boy who was everything he needed and more.

\---

They were in bed, early morning- at least early for how late they stayed up. Thomas greeted with a weight on his body, only to look down and find that Newt had gone from his side of the bed to almost completely on top of Thomas. His heart felt like it was melting in his chest and he kisses the top of his head. To think just a few months ago he had been preparing himself to move on completely from Newt, to kiss goodbye any chance he had with dating his close friend because his friend needed time and space and a lot of healing that didn’t really involve any sort of relationship, at least with him anyways. 

He doesn’t really know if Newt wanted this to happen, he almost feels bad for tricking him into the date. He wonders if maybe Newt had been waiting for him to ask him, or if maybe he was afraid of ruining their friendship had he been wrong- which he wouldn’t have been, but he knows how in his own head Newt can be, and how he just wishes he could assure Newt that they would make things work, no matter what. No matter the issue. Thomas wasn’t leaving, at least, he didn’t want to leave. He knows, has experienced, the small few other guys that Newt trusted enough to date. Bernard, his ex, had even followed him on campus one day until he agreed to go out with him. He forgets why the two broke up, or what ever happened to Bernard, but he does remember the look on Newt’s face when he got home, how hard he had been trying to stay composed, to stay strong, only to end up sobbing in Minho’s arms, asking why nobody could  _ love  _ him. Thomas’ heart breaks at the memory, and he doesn’t understand it. How nobody could love Newt, because Newt was so easy to love. Even as a best friend, their friendship was easy. He was depressed, Thomas held him in bed all day, and made sure he at least drank water, that he didn’t hurt himself, that his tears were wiped and he knew that he was loved and cared for. He was angry, all anybody had to do to make him happy was talk about  _ Star Wars _ or put on  _ The Great British Bake Off _ . 

He kisses his forehead this time, leaving a saturated kiss there on his skin, thanking any God that chose to listen to him for giving him the man in his arms and that's’ when Newt stirs awake, just enough to adjust in his arms so he’s more comfortable, head on Thomas’ arm now, eyes fluttering open. 

“Good morning,” he whispers.

“Good morning…” 

Newt smiles gently, nuzzling into the skin there. “Remember that book you told me about… with the pirates and the little girl?”

“Mhm..”

“I had a dream, that you were the little girls real dad, and the pirate who was her dad was all upset about this, and you were like no I remember. She’s totally my daughter, and there were aliens there? And something about a kraken and a duel, and you won. It was kind of funny.”

“So I have a pirate daughter?”

“Somewhere in the seven seas, yes.”

“How daring of me.”

Newt laughs. “Daring indeed.”

Thomas misses Newt’s warmth when he rolls over to stretch, watching Newt crack his back, shake as his limbs get accustomed to being awake. “Are you going to do yoga with me?”

“Are you going to run with me?”

“God no.”

“That’s your answer.”

Newt laughs and kisses Thomas, and Thomas could so get used to this. Get used to Newt being in his arms every morning. Newt waking up and kissing him, even before they’ve brushed their teeth. Newt being there to tell him about his dreams, and for him to tell his dreams too. He could really, really get used to this.

“Do you have plans today?” Newt asks. “I was thinking I could drag you to the farmers market in Central Park.”

“A farmers market?”

“Yeah, it’s really nice, actually.”

Thomas nods, watching Newt adjust to lean back in his arms, his dark eyes glimmering with hope and adoration as he looks at Thomas and Thomas nods. “I don’t have any plans.”

Newt simply lights up. “So you’ll go?”

“I’d love to go.”

Newt nods, and gets up, grabbing a pair of Thomas’ sweats and tugging them on over his bare body. His hair was still damp from the shower they took before having very slow sex again in Thomas’ bed and he stretches his arms. “Yoga time?” Thomas teases.

“Coffee first. Then we can do our respective morning routines. I’ll have to do a rather soothing routine, you’ve worn out all my muscles.”

Thomas laughs. “I honestly didn’t think my dick could work that kind of magic.”

“Why? Perfectly normal for young men to have a quick refractory period.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, I took a sex study class over the summer.”

“I remember that.”

“Validated all my hoey-ness.”

“I don’t like that word. What makes anyone a hoe? Like sex is just sex, no matter who you have it with or- I don’t know. It’s just so weird.”

Newt laughs. “Validates my sexual tendencies then.”

“Fair enough. You want breakfast?”

“Relax, I’ve got it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Newt says, going off to the kitchen, looking to replace the towel there, throwing that one into the laundry bin. He finds the game closet, and the grocery closet before he finds the towel closet. He grabs a new kitchen towel and returns. He sets up the coffee and washes the dishes, toasts two bagels and fries over eggs to match. The two are sparse on any real valuable vegetables, and just tops the eggs with orange bell peppers because it’s really the only viable vegetable they have. There was a single avocado and well, it had to be Aris’ because Newt can’t imagine Thomas ever putting an avocado in his body. He loathed them to the high heavens. 

So Newt plates breakfast and brings it to bed, where Thomas has turned on cartoons and boxer briefs on. Thomas is thankful, and they drink their coffee together. Finish their breakfast together. Thomas washes the dishes and Newt is still curled up in the bed. He was so comfortable, never really wanted to leave. Thomas returns and shuts the door halfway, going to sit by Newt who was watching the  _ Steven Universe  _ episode he had on. Seemed so interested in the cute little cartoon. 

“This is precious.”

“I love this show,” Thomas admits.

“I think I love it too. It’s so cute.”

Thomas laughs, kisses his cheek and Newt smiles, leaning against Thomas as they lay in bed. Newts fingertips trace up his arm, occasionally kissing his shoulder. 

“This is you,” Thomas says, showing Newt a meme and Newt chortles. 

“Okay,” He says sarcastically. Thomas laughs, Newt scrolling through the memes on his feed now, bored with whatever they were watching because Thomas’ phone is much more interesting. “Ooo whats this? Oo this looks fun.”

“That’s my game!”

“Well I’m going to play it now.”

Thomas shakes his head. “Hand over your phone then.” 

Newt looks at Thomas, squinting. “Where is my phone?”

“You lost your phone?”

“I think it’s under the couch from when we fell off of it while fucking.”

“Makes sense. Is that bruise on your tailbone still there?”

Newt sits up, showing off his strong back and Thomas pouts, kissing the bruise there. “Ow!” Newt complains. 

“That’s a yes, and apparently you can feel it.”

“You don’t have magic healing kisses, you have the opposite.”

“Nah, it’ll feel better soon.”

Thomas gets up to grab Newts phone, still at 70% since he hasn’t used it since last night. He settles in the bed, and offers his password. “It’s cunt,” Newt says.

“Cunt?”

Newt nods. Thomas raises a brow, not believing him as he types it in, and lo and behold, his phone unlocked to reveal a picture of them. His instagram had 50+ notifications, his snapchat was flooded and his youtube was urging him to open it and read every comment, the good and the bad. He kisses his cheek. “So popular.”

“Makes me a pretty penny,” he teases.

“You didn’t do your morning yoga, everybody has forgotten how to live.”

“You’re right, I didn’t. But that’s because I did a lot of calorie burning last night,” he reminds. 

“Right, well they don’t know that… what do you have on here?” Thomas hums, looking for a fun game or something that he can mess up. But ends up scrolling through a scrapbook app, full of pictures of him and Newt that Newt had edited, making them look romantic, vintage, or cute. Little emojis on some of them, captions on a lot of them. All from when they started dating. He also finds a little sleep tracker, and his notes were full of video ideas, questions for a Q&A on his channel. 

It was about 10 minutes later that they hear the door open. “I’m home! Thomas? Are you up?” They hear and Newt gasps, pushing Thomas up. 

“Go distract him, he can’t know I’m here. I’m not dressed!” Newt whispers. 

“You have pants on!”

“And it’s obvious I’m not wearing underwear! I’m also covered in hickies.”

Thomas glances down and Newt is practically shoving him off the bed. Thomas grabs a sweatshirt to cover the hickies on his own body, kissing Newt strong before nearly flying out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. 

“Hey Aris,” Thomas greets. “How was your night out?”

“Exhausting. We went on this like intense kind of camping thing and we hardly slept at all.”

“Really? There’s breakfast, W- I made breakfast.”

“Oh…? Are you okay?”

“Fine.”

“Are you sure? You seem nervous…?”

“No, I just heard you open the door and you totally threw me for a spin because I thought you were coming later.”

“Oh… well I think I’m just going to go to bed. Actually.”

“Okay! Yeah, totally. You… rest, and I’m just gonna, I’ll go back to my room.”

“Cool-”

“Wait.”

“What?”

“Uhm… Have you ever… dated anybody?”

“ _ What _ ?”

“No I mean- Like I don’t know. You never tell me these things.”

“I don’t really want to talk about dating right now.”

“Oh… okay,” Thomas says nodding. “That’s totally fine.”

Aris nods and squints at him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes?”

“Uhm… okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“I guess…?”

“Have fun sleeping.”

Aris’ nose scrunches up. “It smells weird, what were you doing?”

“It’s the eggs.”

“Eggs don’t smell like that.”

“Go to bed, I’ll light a candle.”

“Okay… Yeah, whatever. I’ll do the laundry, just clean up a bit.”

“Cool cool cool,” Thomas says, Aris nodding awkwardly before going to his room. Thomas exhales, picks up the pillows and throws them into the laundry basket. He leaves Newt in the room while he cleans up their mess and lights a couple candles and open the windows, lets in the cold early november air. Newt has stolen his favorite jacket and one of his shirts by then. His own jeans were clean so he just rewore them. Thomas can’t say he hates it because Newt looks  _ good  _ in his clothes and he’s just laying on the bed, playing this knitting game Thomas has on his phone but never uses, he seems so relaxed. Newt looks up and smiles. “Where is he?”

“Sleeping,” Thomas says and shuts the door. 

“So I decided you’re totally going to try these hot peppers that I personally don’t want to try but think you totally should.”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re into that stuff.”

“So?”

“So…? Duh, one best friend always does what the other doesn’t want to do. It’s common knowledge.”

“That’s messed up. I totally don’t want to try your weird peppers!”

“You totally do, you’ll see.”

Thomas sighs. “Fine, whatever you say.”

“Good boyfriend,” Newt teases and kisses him quickly. 

\---

It was a surprise, Thomas showing up for movie night the following friday. Newt was totally unprepared to see his lover but was not about to let himself miss out on cuddling during a movie, and well, he’s pretty sure that Alby and Minho have already figured it out. So he doesn’t think too much about hiding it. He snuggles up right next to Thomas, resting his head on his shoulder, toes buried under his thighs, his heels pressed to his other thigh. Thomas accepts his fate of Newt squishing into him, and massages his sore muscles, even when Newt flings himself backwards onto the floor. 

Minho and Alby raise their brows but they are by no means surprised by this. They  _ knew  _ it had to be somebody they knew. Newt was defending this guy too much, but they had never really seen Newt so comfortable with somebody he dated. They assume it’s because Thomas has years of experience up his sleeve. 

Newt is quite comfortable, and soon enough feeding his special, imported chocolates to Thomas. They wait until Aris is sleeping during the third movie they’re watching, something Minho finally got to pick. He leans forward as Newt is midsentence on commentary, and looking between the two.

“We’ll be quiet,” Newt says.

“Is this your boy?” Minho asks, skeptically.

“What?”

“You totally lost that bet, because he took you out on a date, and now you’re together. Am I genius or what?”

“No!”

“Yes!” 

“Shh, Aris is sleeping,” Thomas says. 

“You’re dating. You two are so obvious.”

Newt squints at him, and shrugs.”Maybe.”

“You are.”

“Shhh, your movie is on.”

“Thomas?”

Thomas looks up and shrugs, before looking to Newt with alarm and Newt rolls his eyes. “Yes now shush, I was in the middle of a rant.”

“Yes, you’re dating?”

“For almost three months. Happy?” 

“Yes.”

“Awwh,” Alby says. “I’ll make you cupcakes.”

“I like cupcakes!”

“Don’t get too excited, he has a coffee date with Aris, and they might fall in love.”

Both of his friends snort, and Alby moves to sit on the floor beside Newt, stealing one of his chocolates and Newt leans on his shoulder. “Yeah, totally,” Newt says sarcastically. “It’s a friend date. He knows that.”

“Does he?” Minho asks.

“He does. He knows that. We’re just friends. We’re only ever going to be friends.”

They all nod, not wanting to alarm Newt or make him any more on guard about the situation than he is already. 

“Is he good in bed?”

“Yeah, surprisingly enough.”

“Really?” Alby asks, nodding. “Never thought Thomas could shoot any game.”

“Right?”

“Why not?” Thomas asks. “Why was this a group assumption?”

Newt rubs his arm tenderly. “You’re kind of… uhm… shy. Shy is a good word.”

“I’m not shy.”

“You’re also kind of soft?” Minho offers.

“What?”

“Yeahhhh. Is he like- make love kinda good or…?”

“Mmm both. Last Saturday he nearly thorugh my back out because he fucked me on the floor.”

“That was an accident.”

“I’m defending you,” Newt whispers and Thomas nods.

“I mean I totally did it on purpose.”

Minho and Alby shake their heads, though they’re smiling at the two like proud dads. 

“Who would’ve thought, Thomas totally bagged Newt,” Alby says. “That’s damn well impressive. Thought you would’a played chicken til he married some other dumbass.”

“I’m actually getting my masters online sooooo,” Thomas jokes pretentiously, the other three laughing.

“In history,” Minho jokes. “Who gets a masters in history?”

“Broke teachers who want a pay raise?”

They nod sympathetically, though, he knows none of them relate to this issue in the slightest. He’ll take what he can get though. 

\---

Newt doesn’t understand how Aris could never want to leave his own country. How he could never want to experience the world outside his borders. That there was so much to see and so much to learn, and it was all just a plane ride away. Newt knows that he’s a privileged man. That between his instagram paycheck and his dad’s pity funds he already is making a lot more than most people. But he can’t imagine not  _ wanting  _ to travel even if he didn’t have the money. 

Thomas hears all about this frustration in the car. “How could you not want to travel? I mean there is so much out in the world- like the hills of Italy?”

“I would totally love to see Italy,” Thoams says.

“See? Normal reaction. Not, ‘I’ve never wanted to leave and if I do I’ll just go to the state next door.’ Like what is that? Who says things like that? Why wouldn’t you want to leave? And oh my god, he thinks me and him are two totally compatible people, as if we get along like the bestest friends in the whole wide bloody fucking world!” 

“You want dunkin donuts? We should totally walk there.”

“Why?”

“Coffee.”

“The coffee house instead.”

“It’s expensive.”

“I’ll pay.”

“Fine. And… don’t get to the apartment and steal my jacket again. I love this jacket.”

“It smells the most like you.”

“That’s weird.”

“No it’s not. It smells like you.”

“It is too weird.”

“Why? I like how you smell, your smell lingers on your jacket because you wear all the time. Besides, you could just take my jacket.”

“Yeah, I could but not for a weird reason like that.”

“Take it back,” Newt complains. 

Thomas laughs, leaning in and kissing him softly. “I’m just kidding… you know that.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“Why are you so bothered about this travel thing?”

“Do you want to travel?”

“The fun in having rich friends is that they generously offer you plane tickets to any place outside of this hell hole country.”

Newt laughs. “France is nice,” He says. “Romantic.”

“Japan.”

“Japan? For what? All your weeb dreams?”

“Fight me.”

“Mate, you’d lose.”

“I would not!”

“You would. Just because you run and have a good butt doesn’t mean shit to me.”

Thomas huffs. “You’d lose.”

“Mmm, false information.”

“It’s true!”

Newt shakes his head, obviously disbelieving in his abilities. Thomas huffs.

“Ridiculous. I could totally win.”

\---

For 2 years they’d been battling at Candyland and Newt just somehow always wins. Thomas was horrendously bad at Candyland, but he won’t admit that and has decided Newt’s a cheater. Minho and Alby have long tapped out of this game. The two were way to competitive and intense about a kid’s game for their liking, and well, they decided it was best not to get involved. Aris knew no better, so he had inevitably gotten involved and well, Thomas was sort of taken aback by the evenings results. 

Aris had suggested that he loved Newt, something that Thomas had taken 2 years to come to terms with, that after 3 months of dating and falling endlessly for this man, he was afraid to admit. Love was a commitment like no other. Love, his father had told him, was something a person gave their whole heart to. There was _ no job _ like a healthy, loving relationship. There was no question, no faltering, when it came to loving somebody. It was endless compromise and compassion. It was not something easy, even if it felt easy. Love was the job in life, and Thomas doesn't think for a second that Aris is genuine in his desires. 

Thomas knows then that it’s best not to wedge himself into Aris’ feelings for Newt, out of his own protective instincts. The part of him that says Newt could end up hurt because of this. The part of Newt that he knows will light up with the fight or flight sensation. 

\---

Late evening as Thomas came home from track practice and work. Newt was on the floor, studying with Aris but waiting for him. Aris is too enthralled by being so close to Newt, to hold his notes, share his space, to notice the significantly sympathetic look Newt gives Thomas. 

“This stupid kid, Josh, challenged me, and well…. I did it. I ran 15 miles. He lost.” 

Newt laughs. “Serves you right for runnin like that, you bloody nitwit.” Newt stands up, rubbing his shoulder, massaging it a bit. 

“Not even proud of me?”

“Gleaming with pride that my almost olympian b-b _ est  _ friend beat a teenage boy.”

“Thanks. I'm gonna soak in a bath. Im sore. I haven't ran fifteen miles straight like that since my appendix ruptured before the olympics.”

Newt nods, Aris waving him off like he seemed to lately. Newt watches him go, choking on the words he wishes he could say. He coughs and excuses himself to the kitchen where Thomas is grabbing water. He smiles. 

“What?”

“Nothing… you really challenged a student?”

“He challenged me!”

“And you accepted? Shame.”

“Oh stop.”

“Can't run like you used to, hm? Getting old? Weak in the knees?”

“Mmm you didn't seem to think so a few nights ago,” he whispers, the two awfully close. Newt purses his lips and shrugs. 

“Sparing your feelings, I guess,” he whispers back. 

“Hey Newt? I had a question,” Aris says coming to the kitchen and they step apart. 

Newt looks over, putting on that plaster smile of his, looking over the notes. Thomas squints, recalling how Newt once said it took genius to make it through med school. He wonders if he's thinking of that now, what he thinks of Aris’ intellect. 

Aris steals his attention though and Thomas disappears to bathe. Newt longs to be with him but remains with Aris, entertaining his thoughts, as vaguely intellectual as they are. Aris tries his hardest to be fascinating and Newt feigns interest. Growing tired, he stretches. 

“I think I'm actually just going to sleep on Tommys bed. It's quite late.”

“Oh yeah of course…” Aris says. “I… thanks. For the study session.”

Newt nods. “Of course. Anytime,” he promises. “Anytime at all.”

Aris seems to take this to heart. Newts stomach clenches. Was that misleading? Too flirty? Was he being flirty? Was he wording things too suggestively? He hugs his stomach tight and smiles, knowing Aris takes it the wrong way and goes to Thomas’ room. Thomas was in bed, watching Netflix, looks up when Newt locks the door. “You okay?”

“I just… I hate when he  _ looks  _ at me like that. You know? Like he expects something of me.”

“I'm sorry. Hey… don't you think he'll find it odd that you're sleeping in here?”

“Don't make me moan, won't be a problem.” 

“ _ Ew _ . I would never.”

Newt laughs, flopping in bed. “I want it to be over… want to graduate and cut people open.”

“Uhhhhhmmmmm?”

“Heart surgeon, part of the job?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?”

“Mmhm…. okay. Over your head.” Newt sheds his clothes to his underwear and crawls in beside Thomas. “Remember that dickhead-”

“Jean?”

“Ugh yes I fuckin hate that bloke.”

“Were you watching the BBC?”

“Maybe? I miss home. I think I'll go for easter,” Newt says. “For Sunny.”

He nods, kissing his head. “Newt…?”

“Hm?”

Thomas offers his pinky and Newt links their pinkies together, blushing a soft pink. It was their odd way of admitting  _ I love you. “ _ Goodnight,” He cooes. 

“Goodnight Tommy.” 

\---

Newt felt a deep panic as Aris casually brushed his side that morning. It doesn't matter that Aris is nervous or hopeful. Newt doesn't care about his intentions. Not anymore. Not when suddenly his body felt involved and he suddenly feels 21 again, in his boyfriends kitchen as he brushes by Newt before grabbing him by the hips. Forcing kisses to his face until Newt wormed outfit. (Were they forced? Was he just making it up for attention? Dreamt it? He hears his ex boyfriend's voice,  _ you delirious shit. You really think I'd hurt you?)  _ Newt shuts his eyes and breathes. 1...2…3….4…5 and he exhales slowly. Counting 5…4...3...2...1 before holding 1…...2. He repeats it again and thomas gently sways him to sit. “You're okay,” Thomas whispers, noticing Newt freeze. 

Newt nods. “I’m fine,” He falsifies, rubbing his own arms slowly. 

It’s likely that Aris didn’t even mean to touch him, and if he didn’t mean it, didn’t think anything of it. Newt makes the necessary mental amends for his friend, because they were supposed to be friends- weren’t they? It bothers him that deep down he knows Aris only sees him as a crush, as somebody he can’t just be friends with. He finishes making his coffee and goes to sit down, Gally having texted him about going out to the movies later.

_ Gally: got 2 tickets to the Paris Theater for those indie films. Wanna go?? Been a while since I’ve seen you _

_ Newt: !!!!!!! _

_ Newt: what time?? _

_ Newt: and yeah sorry I’ve been studying like crazy. Do morning yoga on my lives and you can see me everyday _

_ Gally: brainwashing your friends is not cool _

_ Gally: I’ll pick you up round 7  _

Newt puts his hands on Thomas’ arms. “I know we had plans tonight but Gally got us tickets to the Paris theater tonight and I am really sorry but I am definitely going.”

Thomas laughs. “That’s okay. We weren’t doing anything important.”

“What were you doing?” Aris asks and Newt shrugs.

“Nothing now.”

Thomas rubs his shoulder, refraining from leaning forward to bury his nose in Newt’s hair, from kissing his ear. Newt smiles and is texting Gally for almost the rest of the morning. He goes home to do an afternoon live session, and then after just sits and talks about the stress of finals and how it’s okay to be stressed and how stress can ultimately lead to better things, as long as stress is managed, it’s not too harmful. 

\---

A change of scenery never hurt, and Newt had buried his nose in his books, blocking out everybody at the table of the coffee shop while Thomas finished some work for his masters program. Newt glances up and sighs. Looking at his empty coffee cup. Minho was busy on his laptop, ipad propped up on the side. Alby had long ago left. Aris was boredly doodling on his exam papers, and Thomas was making his powerpoint for class tomorrow look a bit better and organizing his information, his email open in another tab. Newt briefly recalls that Thomas was trying to set up a meeting with one of his former personal trainers for tips on how to train a whole team of athletes. Although, Newt doesn’t think he needs to talk to anybody. He’s already whipped the team into better shape than it’s been in years. 

Newt gets up with his mug and since he got a regular coffee, refills were free. He goes up to the counter, waiting beside a very handsome (and nice smelling) man, who smiles at him and Newt thinks his heart explodes. Like that line in Hamilton where Angelica goes “my heart went BOOM!” that’s how he feels. His heart just went  _ BOOM!  _

“Uhm… hi,” Newt says, feeling suddenly very nervous, especially in the presence of man taller and way more handsome than his own boyfriend. (He is in no way looking to  _ trade  _ said boyfriend, but who is he to pass up any opportunity to talk to this handsome stranger?) 

“Hey,” The guy says with this lush deep voice that was crafted by God himself, molded into this human beings voice box to bless everybody he spoke to. He had to be some descendent of Jesus, Newt is convinced. “God I’ve been waiting forever. It’s possible the two barista’s are hooking up in the back.”

Newt laughs. “Well, everybody has to have a little fun sometimes. Don’t you think?”

The guy laughs too and Newt really thinks that his heart  _ has  _ stopped working and he’s currently transcending beyond all logical science into a metaphysicality of love, because if this guy is not his soulmate, than he might just be heartbroken forever. 

“I guess so. And I guess fun is always more fun caffeinated.”

“Big time. You could go a few more times with a little caffeine.”

The guy is blushing a bit and Newt bites his lip shyly. “Not that I would know, I’ve never tried downing an espresso before sex.”

“You totally should. It really helps.”

“Are you some type of sex expert?”

“God no. I took one sex ed class, any personal research is a… uhm… personal reaction. I guess? I’m looking to be a heart surgeon.”

The guy laughs. “Wow… I’m trying to get my PhD in English, so I can be a professor.”

“Yeah? What kind of English? Like literature or…?”

“Poetry.”

“ _ Poetry _ . Wow, that’s so fascinating,” Newt says, because god he would never be genuinely intrigued for anybody but a hot guy with a manbun and reddish freckles on his tan skin. And okay, he had a slight spanish accent and Newt just wanted to die. He wanted to die in this mans arms while Shakespeare was recited to him. Multiple times. He definitely thinks he’s gone into cardiac arrest, because he can’t even feel his heart beating. It’s just a hollow in his chest.

“Poetry is fascinating?” He laughs. “You’re doing heart surgery, that’s really wow. You’re going to be so much more amazing than I am.”

“Well I’ve never really been very interested in poetry. Where are you from?”

“Columbia. You’re English, I’m guessing?”

“From London, yeah.”

He nods. “I’ve always wanted to go. What brings you here?”

“I suppose I had a taste for America.”

“That makes two of us.” The guy laughs and Newt smiles, his heart trapped in his throat. One of the barista’s finally comes out, and serves them their coffees quietly. The two go their separate ways but Newt sits down beside Thomas and puts his hand on his arm. 

“That’s the love of my life.”

“What?”

“That man? I’m in love with him. I am… I’m going to marry him. I want him to rub his beard on the inside of my thighs until I cum  _ twice.  _ No…  _ thrice.  _ And to read me poetry until I fall asleep every night and… wow is he so perfect.”

Thomas laughs and shakes his head. “He’s good looking, I guess.”

“He has the voice of an angel. He spoke, and I transcended to God.”

“Oh stop.”

“Yeah, next time he goes to the counter, refill your coffee and talk to him.”

Thomas nods and he’s unbelieving until he walks up to the counter when that guy does and greets him politely and the man, of course, greets him back just as. They talk about teacher stuff until they’re served and Thomas sits beside Newt.

“You can’t marry him if I marry him first,” Thomas decides, Aris looking up between them and feels his heart sinking at the look of sheer longing on Newts face as he looks at that guy, who’s probably way older than Newt anyways.

“Isn’t sad I’m never going to see the love of my life again?”

“I totally call dibs.”

“I called first. Back off. He’s my _soulmate.”_ _  
_ “You get all the hot guys with nice dicks-”

“There’s no way you’d know if his dick was nice,” Minho chips in. 

“With a face like that, all he needs is his mouth to be good at what it does,” Newt assures, ignoring Aris’ look of pure devastation. Newt was allowed to be sexual, he wasn’t about to suppress his desires and become a nun because some guy who liked him, some guy who should be his friend, wanted him and didn’t want Newt to talk about wanting other guys.

“Ugh, I think I’m in love thinking about being eaten out by that guy.”

Newt laughs. “Maybe we should call it fair for fair and marry each other.”

“And have kids and name it after that guy. His name is Joaquin. I asked.”

“Ugh, I want to marry Joaquin. I want to marry him and love him forever. And listen to him read me poetry and you think that man can sing?”

“Thomas can sing,” Minho says. “And Thomas has a nice dick, confirmed.”

“How would you know?” Newt asks.

“Don’t worry about it. I just know.”

Newt shakes his head, pouting. “He was so perfect, I’m really going to miss him.”

Thomas rubs his shoulder. “It’s okay. You’ll find your man.”

(Aris is enraged with jealousy at the whole encounter, and part of him says that he’s it for Newt. That Newt just needs to see what’s right in front of him. He doesn’t know that Newt knows exactly what’s in front of him and that it’s not Aris, it’s Thomas. Who had eagerly decided that he got to marry the hot guy, or at least marry him first. And well, Aris hated this guy, whoever he was, for making Newt want him so much. Sure he didn’t look like that, but what difference did it make? Newt was a dream waiting to become reality, and Aris was determined to get him.) 

“Yeah, but if not, I’ll just marry you,” He says, as if that was any hardship at all or deviance from his plan. “You’re a good second to that guy.”

\---

His finals were finally over, and Newt felt like a firework was going off in his belly at the same time as half a container of nyquil is kicking in. He can finally sleep for 12 hours straight and get no shit about it or have to worry about classes or studying or anything. At least, for the next two weeks he didn’t. Then after the holidays he was back in school again, striving to become a heart surgeon and studying and studying and studying until he went blind, of course. 

He could already feel that he’s going to need a pair of glasses by the time he finally reaches being a heart surgeon at 36… probably 38 because he was specializing with kids. But, it was whatever. Eventually he was going to be a heart surgeon who needed corrective lenses. The idea of being closer to that made him feel so gleeful, but yet, so, so tired.

“Newt?”

He recognizes the voice, he doesn’t want to turn around and acknowledge him. He does anyways. “Hi Aris.” He wonders if he sounds as annoyed as he feels, if how tired he is of this whole situation shows through the strain in his voice. 

“You okay?” 

Shit. “I just really hope I did good. I want nothing more than to be a surgeon, you know? God, I’m so exhausted. I just want to go home.” He wasn’t lying, but technically he wasn’t telling the truth either. 

“Well… I was thinking, now that all our finals are over, when you’re more rested, me and you can go out? Alone…”

Oh no. Oh no. Ohnoohnoohnoohno. Newt didn’t think for a second, no matter how many times he had said it, that Aris would actually ask him out. That Aris would grab up any courage he had and actually ask Newt to go on a date.

“What?”

“Like… a date maybe?” 

He feels panic strike his stomach as if he’s been punched but is careful to keep his facial expressions as tame as possible. Aris doesn’t seemed alarmed, so he just must seem surprised. He finds himself on autopilot, the need to survive kicking in. There was nothing violent happening but the potential for violence struck him quite easily. That Aris, as any man, was quite capable of hurting him, here in the empty foyer of the building. “I think… that would be lovely.” 

“Really?”

How does he derail the situation? How does he get Aris to forget about it, or make him think he forgot about it? “Yeah… sure. You just… text me a place and time and I’ll be there.” 

“Do you want me to pick you up or…?”  
“We can talk about it over text,” Newt says quickly. “I just… I really want to get home,” He says. Home where Thomas was waiting with Minho and Alby. Home where he could be safe. Home where he didn’t have to think about this. What was he saying? What was he doing? What if Aris didn’t forget? What if Aris tore him down? Would anybody believe Aris? People in New York liked Newt, and most people around them didn’t like Aris, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t pity him. Say that Samuel Newton had this big reputation and he was only living up to it. He wants to go home. He wants to leave. 

“Oh…” Aris seems hurt. Newt wants to rip his own heart out there on the tile of the school. He just wants this whole interaction to be over, he just wants Aris to know that he’s dating Thomas so they can just never talk again. It was a harsh and brutal thought, Newt has to remind himself to be kind, that Aris had good intentions he’s sure. He just had to approach it gently. “Sorry if you don’t want to-”

“I really do, I just…” God what does he say? What does he do? “I’m just so tired right now.” he opens up his uber app, he can nap in the library, wash out this whole interaction from any near memory after said nap. His hands are shaking just a bit.  _ Don’t do anything sudden or emotional or offensive in any way. The best way to avoid potentially dangerous situations is to remain calm, and to navigate through it without any forceful interaction unless necessary.  _ Newt repeats this over and over again in his head. 

“Do you want a ride home?”

He had 2 options now. Save himself the cash it would take to get home and go home with Aris, risking his own safety. Or to tell him no and once again risk his safety again. It seemed safer to say yes, because there’s no guarentee that Aris would try anything. That it already must have taken so much of his confidence to just ask- was Newt encouraging Aris to try something? Was Aris reading him all wrong?

“Sure.” Aris nods, and he seemed overjoyed. Newt is scared by this. They get to the car after a long stretch of silence and Newt chews his lip. The whole car ride Aris can’t seem to sit still, there was classical music on as they drove and Newt felt Aris’ hand brush his a few times and he tenses. He must be overthinking this. He must be too in his head. Aris wasn’t trying to hold his hand. Aris must not be thinking about him. He can’t bring himself to move his hand. His body feels like a dead weight full of terror. What if Aris  _ did  _ try something? Does he push him? Does he leave the car? Does he tell anybody? Does he tell nobody? What would _ Thomas  _ think? He pulls away, smiling tensely as Aris gets a bit too touchy, looking out the window and thinking of the least harmful way to jump out of a car if he really had to. In the case that Aris got… too  _ too _ touchy. 

They get near the building and Newt is relieved to be home, that if he did have to leave the car in the case of anything, he can just run upstairs to his apartment. 

“Thank you for the ride. You saved me some cash.” He says it sincerely, that it was kind of him, but he leaves no room for any suggestion. That maybe he’s flirting. Maybe he’s offering something in turn of his gratitude. He wasn’t offering anything, he was just being polite. 

“Anything for you, darling.”

Newt is so shocked, he can only laugh. He bites his knuckle to keep his nerves together. He doesn’t have any clue what to say. “I uhm… yeah, I’ll see you later probably?” Newt says, hurried so he can just leave the car. So he can go upstairs and run into Minho or Alby’s arms and stay there for as long as they let him. To just breathe in the scent of home. To gush the whole experience into the air and never think about it again. 

“That was weird, I’m so sorry. I didn’t- I meant it in-”

Newt instantly cuts him off. “It’s okay really. Don’t worry about it.” He just wants to leave the car. He wants to blurt out that he’s dating Thomas and that even if he wasn’t, the two of them would never work. For Aris to just leave him alone. He doesn’t. He breathes in slowly, his whole body a shaking mess. He feels like he might cry. 

Aris seems so upset and panicked though and Newt’s sympathy kicks in. “No, god, this doesn’t change anything does it?”

Newt feels the slightest hindress of sympathy which calms his vibrating nerves. He sort of slumps into reluctance. The best time to tell him might be on that date. ““No… you text me and we’ll work something out. I think we should really… really talk?” 

Aris seems absolutely buzzing, almost childlike as he asks that Newt wants to talk and Newt feels bad but suggests that Aris would understand when he told him, and he flees the car as quickly as he can once the conversation is over. He nearly sprints upstairs and almost sobs when he sees Minho by the door, trying to untangle the lights. 

He just needed to be with his three best friends in the whole wide world. Four, when Gally comes later that night. Relief was collapsing in Minho’s arms as he explained  _ everything  _ and then again to Thomas and Alby. 

Though his racing thoughts, his shaking hands, were soon soothed with Peanut butter cookie dough and christmas music that Thomas was singing while strumming his Ukulele. “Don’t worry your head about him,” Alby says. “You’re gonna be just fine… it’s all going to be alright.”

Newt nods, leaning against him. “Thank you Alby.”

“Hey, we’ve always got your back.”

“Always,” Minho chimes in from where he’d relocated to the floor outside the kitchen, brows knitted in concentration as he undid the lights from the box. Thomas was softly singing  _ Let it Snow,  _ soothing all of them with his sweet sounding voice. Newt, for a long moment, is stuck on the thought that he so dearly loves this man. That there was nobody else like him, that he was the one, and Newt would love him forever if Thomas let him. Thomas pinky promised afterall. 

\---

“See? He’s away now, he’ll probably forget all about it,” Thomas soothes, as Newt puts his phone down on the table. Thomas was coming over more often now and Newt was thankful for it. He leans into Thomas’ arms, kissing under his jaw. 

“Whatever emergency came up, I’m thankful for it.”

Thomas smiles and kisses him. “I love you,” he whispers. “And I’d never let him hurt you.”

Newt thinks his heart is floating on clouds. “I love you too… and I’ll always protect you, no matter what. You don’t have to be strong for everybody else. You know? Just like Minho, I swear. It’s why you two are best friends.”

“You’re my best friend,” Thomas says. “Of everyone I know, I can’t imagine my life without you, or who I would tell half the things I tell you to.”

Newt grins, and kisses him, Minho walking in and making a grunt of frustration. “Stoooop, I just want to enjoy my cocoa!”

Newt pulls away and lights up, stealing the cup from Minho for a sip, thinking about if he wants some, then going to the kitchen where the kettle of cocoa remains on the stove. “Thomas you want some?” He calls.

“Sure!” 

Minho steals Newt’s spot beside Thomas. Newt just takes the big loveseat with the best blanket in the apartment (which makes Minho  _ and  _ Thomas complain) while enjoying his cocoa and the Christmas special that Minho put on. It snows outside and Newt melts into the blanket. He loves the snow. He loves his friends. He also really loves Christmas and is glad to enjoy it with the ones he loves the most. The ones who were always out to protect him. 

“Did you make this?” Newt asks.

“No, Alby did.”

“Of course, what did I expect?”

“Me to make my own food? Never. Thats what you and Alby do. I do the summer grilling.”

“A manly man,” Thomas jokes in a gruff voice and Minho laughs.

“Jerk!”

“It's the truth!”

“Do you cook?”

“Not if Newt’s around. All that healthy shit he makes taste way better than the shit that I make.”

“Exactly my point.”

“He has cooked for me before though and it wasn’t bad at all,” Newt offers and blows Thomas a kiss. Thomas pretends to catch it and put it in his heart and Newt pretends to be disgusted. Minho is more than amused by his two friends.

“Nightmare Before Christmas is on!”

“Yes!”

They watch it three times on three different networks. It was only the fair thing to do. 

\--- 

They’d prepared a week for this party, together. Hanging up the sparkly gold and black decorations. Getting all the necessary glasses. Thomas and Frypan making the food and dessert and Newt helping as best as he can. Whenever he can. It was a week of making playlists and asking the neighbors if they planned on staying home, and if they were, they were free to join the party downstairs. Most of them were not staying home, and so no extra guests were really required. The building agreed to let them host and so when it came to the night of the party, they were awfully proud. 

Newt was in the living room, inside from the balcony, holding a champagne flute, and talking to Minho. He could see that on the TV (and the Ball that was gleaming in the background outside the apartment window, slowly starting to lower) that the countdown had started. People from all over the world were currently standing outside along the streets of New York City, staring at the ball in all it’s glory, for what it was, prismatic and colorful and full of hope that some have long lost. Counting down, from 60. 

The room was buzzing and Newt felt electric. It was rare that he ever felt the euphoria of happiness like this, the great feeling of being collectively happy and sort of drunk with a bunch of people. He wasn’t sure where Thomas was, but it didn’t really matter. He hadn’t noticed that one more guest had joined them, and that it was Aris, who had been away and was supposed to be away for a few days. He was mostly just excited to wake up next to Thomas tomorrow morning and spend New Years day with him. 

_ 30 _

_ 29 _

_ 28 _

He can see Thomas coming in from the small balcony and making his way over. Newt feels like his heart is going to escape his chest. Thomas was dressed so nicely, they all were, but he looked especially great when he cleaned up like this. Just a little scruffy, and his hair slicked back so nicely, and he had this suit on. Newt just wants to pull him into a kiss and never part for him. 

_ 19 _

_ 18 _

_ 17 _

_ 16 _

_ 15 _

It wasn’t long before Thomas was standing beside him and Minho, who was with Brenda, his long term girlfriend. Newt knew her from the hospital that he had volunteered at over the summer. Newt puts his hand on Thomas arm, eyes lighting up at the sound of his voice. He thinks if every New Years from here to the day he died was spent hearing that voice, he’d die the happiest man alive. He puts his flute of champagne on the table and holds his breath as the countdown nears it’s final moments, most people counting now and laughing, and smiling and excited. 

The whole world slows down around them as the countdown reaches its final moments. The New Years party twinkling, shining, raining down, and he felt a little more than tipsy on the few flutes of champagne he’s had. Everything around him become a blur, the world washes out. 

_ 5 _

_ 4 _

_ 3 _

_ 2 _

_ 1 _

And he can feel champagne raining down on him and Thomas but it doesn’t matter. He can hear the party poppers and the yelling and the buzzing silence in certain pockets as couples kissed, probably drunk, probably accidental for a few of their friends. He’s blissfully unaware that they’re being watched. They hardly break for air, and Thomas has him in a gentle dip. He can only really hold on, clinging to Thomas as his tongue dips into his lovers mouth. They part just barely, so their lips aren’t pressed together, but they’re nose to nose and smiling at each other. 

Thomas is a lot more drunk than he is, he can tell, and it only makes him laugh. He was about to lean in to kiss him again when Frypan puts a hand on his arm and he looks up and sees that Fry is frowning. “What’s wrong? Oh come on, we’re having fun!” He cheers, still tipping on the edge of drunkenness. He just wanted everybody to be as happy as he was in that very moment. 

“Aris is home… he saw you guys kiss, I think?” Frypan says. 

Newt feels like he’s snapped out of his daze at this and Thomas is really mostly pouty because Newt decides he should go talk to Aris. He swallows before walking to the room, and he knows that Frypan is following him and waiting right outside the door in the case that Aris  _ does  _ lash out on him. He walks in, and approaches the bed gently. 

“I don’t want to talk,” Aris declares and Newt can tell that he’s crying. He feels his heart clench a bit with guilt. He really hadn’t wanted Aris to find out in such a seemingly brutal manner. 

“I just… I wanted to apologize… I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was really trying to avoid it.”

“Go away. I really don’t want to talk to you right now.”

“Aris… please understand,” Newt begs. He wants Aris to understand that they couldn’t work, that this has always been right in front of him. That he has no real reason to be mad at Newt, but Newt recognizes how hard it can be to realize that having a crush is hard, and even harder when the person you like is dating somebody else. Newt knows that Aris isn’t happy with this. He doesn’t expect what he says yet.

“I loved you! How could you!”

Newt stands up from the bed, biting his lip. “You- what?” That wasn’t possible. They hardly knew each other. Aris didn’t know  _ anything  _ about him. He was confused, he didn’t understand how they had gotten to this point. Maybe Aris was just hurt, saying things he didn’t mean to say, wasn’t thinking about what he was saying. 

“I did! Okay? And you stepped all over me… you chose  _ Thomas. _ ”

Newt thinks there was never a choice to make, not in his head. Not in his heart. It was always Thomas. For two years he’d fallen in and out of infatuations and relationships with people, and for two years Thomas was there. Thomas was always there. He gravitated right into his arms every time. It made perfect sense to Newt that he ended up with this man. It made perfect sense that Thomas was his only choice, the only person who could love him so much and adore him the way that Thomas did. 

“I… I didn’t mean to lead you to believe that I liked you anyway- and if I did-” Newt starts calmly, but Aris has other ideas. 

“But… our date!”

Newt winces. God, this whole thing was biting him in the ass. Couldn’t he ever, even for just one night, feel genuinely happy and guiltless? “I was going to tell you about me and Thomas. Please, you’re just upset and hurting. We can talk about this-”

“Just get out.”

Aris had sat up, looking angry and Newt is quick to find his way out of the room, looking to Frypan who looked concerned, taking Newt’s arm. “He’s just upset.”

“Don’t think about it too much,” Frypan says. “Let’s get you a drink?”

“I just… I want to find Thomas,” Newt decides before feeling guilty about wanting to find Thomas, because of Aris. “Or maybe I don’t…? I don’t know… I just…” his leg is bouncing nervously as they stand a few feet from the door. “He’s taking it really hard.”

“Don’t do that to yourself,” Frypan says. “Man, Aris has no right to make you feel bad, and we all know that no matter what, you would’ve ended up with Thomas. Okay? You’re not doing anything wrong, and you don’t owe it to anybody to apologize for what you feel for Thomas, and what you  _ don’t _ feel for them. Okay?”

Newt nods, swallowing his tears. He felt so bad about the whole thing but he could only really enjoy the rest of the party or just go home before he ruins anybody else's night. He ends up staying and lingering on the balcony. Minho coming out and offering him a cigarette. He normally doesn’t smoke but he gives in and takes one, Minho lighting the two of them up and they blow out the smoke in thin lines in unison. It vaguely smelled like somebody had a fireplace on somewhere nearby. There were fireworks setting off behind them. 

“I should’ve just gone home for the holidays.”

“Don’t say that you fuckface. Don’t let him ruin this, you were having such a good time.”

“He’s a total wreck.”

“He wouldn’t have taken it any better whether you told him three months ago or now.”

“He said he loved me. How could he say that to me?”

“What?”

“He loves me. He doesn’t. There is no way in- I just…” Newt sighs, sucking on the cigarette, swallowing all the anger and guilt he feels. Blows it all away with the smoke that passes between his lips.

“Fuck man… If some crazy bastard told me they loved me…” Minho squints, drunk as anybody else in the house. “I would’a clocked him in their fuckin shhtupid face. I hate people.”

Newt rubs his arm, sniffling a bit. Thomas comes outside, and looks unhappy. “It’s cold!” He declares. “Aren’t you cold?” 

He disappears back inside and not 5 minutes later comes outside with 2 blankets and wraps Newt up in one first and then Minho in the other. Then he stumbles back inside to god knows where and Newt’s heart melts, adjusting the blanket around him. Minho laughs out of nowhere and shakes his head. 

“God, you two dweebs are like… fuckin soulmates or some shit.”

Newt nods. “He pinky promised he’d keep me forever.”

“Fuckin nerds.”

“Hey, thats my boyfriend your talking about.”

“Yeah and my best friends. I think Alby hit it with Winston’s cousin.”

“Hit it as in sex or like just got along?”

“Shit, I don’t know but I damn well have no idea where they went.”

They shrug and Newt puts out the cigarette when he’s done. Helps shoo everybody away or get them settled to sleep. Everybody who stays helps clean up and the house isn’t spotless but it’s close enough. Then Newt helps Thomas to bed, and kisses him in the darkness, neighborhood fireworks going off now and Thomas is swaying into him, unbalanced as Newt uses all his strength to keep him up. Laughing as they part and helping him to bed and helping him put on pajamas. 

“Did you bring clothes?”

“Yes,” Newt promises. 

“Take my sweatshirt anyways,” Thomas says, curling up in the bed like a newborn kitten, hugging the pillow. Newt smiles and he does, because it was more comforting to him. It was easy to fall asleep, especially when Thomas is nuzzled to his side. 

The morning comes too soon. He just wants to sit outside in the snow, so he grabs Thomas’ long fuzzy robe and finds his way to the balcony. To his surprise Aris is there too. He braces himself to talk to the young man, who was a few years younger than him. Newt joins him, and sits on a snowy chair. Aris ignores him and Newt tries to think of the words to say. Bottling down everything he feels to maybe reason with Aris.

“I know… I know that you genuinely believe you have these very strong, passionate feelings for me-”

“I do! I swear-”

“Please, just let me talk. I just need you to listen.” Newt hates that he has to beg for Aris’ attention, that Aris won’t even hear him out. Aris doesn’t take to this kindly. “I know I hurt you last night, we both did, but that wasn’t… we’ve been… dating since september.”

“What?”

“I know, and I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how to do it without hurting you. Me and Thomas both care for you deeply as our friend- but the truth is, is Thomas has helped me through so much, that you don’t know about me or understand, or could even really fathom into your idea of who you think I am. And I’m really sorry, I am. I  can’t be what you want me to be, and I don’t think we… fit. Thomas suits me, he put our friendship first, he still does. And he makes me very happy and I make him very happy.”

Aris tells him he’s not happy for them. That he doesn’t really care that Newt loves Thomas, that he deserved to be with Newt. It wasn’t getting into his head that he would make Newt unhappy. That it would never work out. Newt is infuriated, especially when Aris admits that he would’ve kissed Newt last night had Thomas been there even a second later. Newt goes back to bed, and he doesn’t really care much what happens between Thomas and Aris, as long as Aris was no longer involved with him. It didn’t feel right, that Aris got to have all these feelings and thoughts about him, some of them being sexual, then got to decide to act on them. Aris would only forgive them because he has to live with Thomas. 

\---

Aris doesn’t forgive Thomas. In fact, he really only grows cold and resentful towards him and Thomas really feels run out and since he was helping with the track team, and had a second job, he was able to afford his own apartment in New Jersey, closer to the school he worked in. Newt was setting up a lamp, sitting on the couch. The sun was setting, Minho and Alby were in the small kitchen a few feet away trying to plate pizza.

“It’s small,” Thomas notes, sitting beside Newt.

“It’s cute. It’s a start.”

“Ridgewood is expensive.”

“As all hell, you really have expensive taste, hm?”

“I guess, that’s your fault though.”

Newt leans over and kisses him gently. “I’ll try and come every weekend… every other weekend?”

“However it works out,” Thomas agrees, kissing him too. “Sorry I moved so far?”

“It’s just far because of transit stops and traffic. In technicality, it’s not very far.”

Thomas nods, kissing him softly, and Newt hums. “It’ll be fine,” Newt whispers, seeing the worry in Thomas’ eyes. “We’re going to be just fine.”

And they were just fine. It was in late August, when they were celebrating their one year anniversary that Thomas had bought Newt a Flour Shop cake and inside, amongst the white and multi shade blue sprinkles that poured out was a bright diamond ring. Newt really almost died from joy, hugging Thomas, nearly crying as they kissed. Of course, he agreed to marry Thomas and of course, they celebrated with all their friends the next weekend when they announced their marriage. The two rented out a small 2 bedroom and one bathroom house in Waldwick, New Jersey, a bit further from Thomas’ job and Newt’s schooling but it didn’t matter much. They married in June when the weather was perfect and the flowers were bright.

Newt had written to Aris once, to see if he was alright, but neither him or Thomas ever heard from him again. Life moves on though, and Newt learns to live his life happily, even with all the stress and the running around. 

It was about 5 years later, when they bump into one of Aris’ friends, who told them Aris hadn’t passed his medical exams and that he had moved back home, that Newt felt worse. Their 3 year old daughter having been playing on the playground, their 1 year old attempting to follow her, Newt glanced over and Thomas kisses his cheek. 

“Sorry to hear it didn’t work out for him,” Thomas offers.

“It’s really nobody’s fault but his own. He really lost focus… he’s better now, I think?”

“That’s good,” Newt says. “Good that he’s doing better.”

They all nod, and the guy goes about his walk and Newt turns to Thomas who kisses his nose. “You know, I’m sad it didn’t work out for him because at some point he really was my best friend… but I’m also really glad it didn’t cause anything between us.”

“Me too…” Newt whispers, kissing Thomas briefly before leaning back into the bench. The two were fine on the tiny playground, Cadence stopping Andromeda from going anywhere she shouldn’t. 

“I’ll go bring Meda down,” Thomas says and Newt nods in agreement, smiling as he watches them. While Cadence held Newt’s whole heart, Meda seemed to do it for Thomas. That baby was everything to him, though if it came down to it, they’d always say they loved both equally. Because they did. They were two different people, with two wildly different experiences already. Cadence was meant to be there’s, having been a surrogate baby. But Meda was born into a cruel situation and Newt and Thomas had taken her in. Of course, she’d eventually figure it out, that she was adopted, most likely sooner than later- if 2 dad’s wasn’t proof of it, 2 white dads when she was black was more to the seasoning to that salad. Newt just hopes, with all his heart, that his two daughters never have to go through what they’d been through and that the love he has for them is enough, enough for them to love him back, to never want to leave home like he eventually chose to do, to stay and study in America. He hoped that the world didn’t break his daughter’s heart like it had broken his, or to take what they wanted how the world had taken Thomas’ dream of being an olympian.

“Thinking about something?” Thomas asks.

“Just how lucky I am.”

Thomas smiles, offering Andromeda over and Newt takes her. The two link pinkies for a moment and Newt smiles that same way he used to, when they were first together. Andromeda makes some incoherent babbling noise, and flails wildly. Newt hugs her close and kisses her before taking her to the swing. He was lucky, so  _ so _ lucky. He loved Thomas, and Thomas loved him too. 

**Author's Note:**

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